Finding a partner in modern day society is harder than it looks, especially for a middle aged woman.

I am just floating by in life hoping there is even a good MAN left out here who actually believes in marriage, trust, communication, loyalty, consideration. And that is besides some mutual connection, attraction, chemistry. And then add in if we share the same goals and values, among many other things that rank in importance when looking for a partner. It does not have to be rainbows and butterflies all the time, but someone you are willing to suffer with. Someone you can’t live without. I am not going to settle just to settle and then have zero passion and be bored out of my mind. Of course, I know couples say that sex and life in general gets less exciting as you age, but it does not have to be that way.

It also just seems that with the explosion of social media and our declining attention spans, it carries over into relationships too. I think people get bored so quickly and I truly and honestly do not understand the concept of cheating. I am proud to say I never cheated, but it’s not like it was hard, it is just in my DNA and I’m not a shitty person, period. I am the only woman I know that can say that. I think most people cheat just for the excitement of something new. And, if that is how you handle your whole life- one of two things will happen. The ‘new’ person you will find out was actually terrible or you will be just as bored and move on to the next unsuspecting victim, or you will reach an age where you are far less dateable and alone and miserable. I think people are just so quick to throw something good away or they live double lives, wanting to have their cake and eat it too or they’re lying and manipulating snakes, and that goes for both sexes. The way I look at it is the same way I look at everything else; eventually it will come to light. You can only lie so long. I am also the type that I prefer to be with only one person and that is actually exciting to me, to learn and grow alongside someone. Besides, a previous boss of mine and I have kept in touch for over two decades, and she is nearing retirement age. Her advice to me was marry someone you can be best friends with, because you will still enjoy each other’s company, and I couldn’t agree more. Of course we all have the run of the mill days, and some bad ones, but that’s life. And, I don’t believe everything on the internet. I know a lot of couples play it cool for the ‘gram, the 2.5 kids and white picket fence – but it is not like that at all behind closed doors, I mean come on I’m not that damn dumb. They just hide the drama and alcoholism so I know that just because people smile on the outside doesn’t mean that is how they are when they get home.

Life does not always turn out how we think

I always thought I would be married by the time I was 25, but instead I was sucked into these patterns that became unacceptable. It has also been easier for me to meet someone organically. I can’t hop on a dating site and look at a picture and feel. When I look at the lack of work some men put into a dating profile, the 3 sentences or “Ask me” just doesn’t do it for me. Plus, there have been guys I met in real life that I actually liked and they have even showed me their dating profile and I sure as shit would have passed them up, as well as vise versa. I remember seeing an attractive looking guy, or who appears to be put togeter on paper, and then I’d go meet some of them and it was like ….zero chemistry, zero conversational skills, etc. Matter of fact, the last time I met someone from a dating profile, you know it was one of those ‘netflix and chill’ dates (WE ARE GROWN, PEOPLE, TAKE A WOMAN OUT FOR A REAL DATE!), we were about ten minutes into the movie and all I could think was ‘oh my god, I CANNOT stay here for 2 or more hours, this is torture…’ so, I quickly got out of it by piping up and saying, ‘Hey! I am so sorry but I have to use the bathroom and I can’t do that at someone else’s house, I got to go.’ I even threw in, “Must have been that Chipotle from earlier!” HAH! I gave no fucks but I just had to get in my car as quickly as possible and get the hell out of there! All I know is I will happily die alone if I can’t find a loyal, honest man. And I’m not getting any younger. Where do they hide? That’s it, I’m gonna go apply at Home Depot. Maybe I will have some luck there. But generally speaking, it sure does seem that the ratio of quality people to rotten ones is becoming less equivalent.

And onward I go…

I lost a permanent piece of my faith in humanity after being hacked. I thought for sure that the good people outweighed the bad, but any more, I am not so sure. Not ONE single person helped me. If I saw someone going through that I would have practically swam in gator infested waters to go tell them what was going on. That one still kind of shatters me. It sucks, but the world really is going in the way that the Bible said it would in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents. People calling good for evil and evil for good. I think we also see that in today’s world when it comes to sex. God created it, but the enemy twists it into something alluring and enticing like having porn be one click away. And, going along with what I said earlier about social media and our short attention spans, I think we are just quick to be drawn to that stuff, but porn is definitely not it God’s will. It is just easy to hide behind a screen or sneak away and watch it. And that is what satan does, he takes everything God created and made it perverted and twists it, confusing people. What a time to be alive. I guarantee if I would have been closer to God in my younger years maybe He would have brought me my God ordained spouse already, and I just wasted 20 years stuck in toxic cycles and fornicating- again, outside of His will. I read into the Biblical concept of marriage about how the two become one flesh, and it actually sounds amazing, and I like the idea of God being at the center of a marriage. There is less room for worldly things to get in. Let’s collectively brace for impact for the future, good and bad. I’ll say this though, if you have yet to turn to Jesus, today is the day of salvation. He is the only reason I have strength, the will to survive, and peace during chaos. And I am so thankful for that. As the world declines, He is who we need to be holding on to. Maybe one day He will surprise me with a long past due Kingdom Spouse.